“Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect” Jesus
“Aim for perfection” – Paul the Apostle
“…he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you’” – Paul the Apostle
“For if you are able to bear the entire yoke of the Lord, you will be perfect; but if you are not able, then at least do what you can” The Didache [6:2]
“Perfection never was a requirement, although some might say we desired it.” Five Iron Frenzy
Growing up a Christian in a fairly conservative Protestant church I was given mixed signals. Some Christians, despite claiming a belief in Grace, seem to expect nothing less than perfection. Perhaps I felt this pressure more as a pastor’s kid, but I think that all kids in church feel like they are under the microscope from parents and elders. Grace, grace, grace is taught and preached, but the weight of high behavioral expectations grow with your age. Some church kids rebel from the start, enjoying every sin they can. Some hold out for some time, trying to live up to the expectations and feeling guilt for every time they slip up, and all the while trying to keep up appearances. In some groups this leads to a cult of perfection. What I witnessed was the complete depletion of my age group as we moved towards high school graduation. By the time I returned from college there were very few twenty-somethings in my former church at all – and I say former because I too have left.
To some, it seems, Christianity is nothing more than behavioral control, a list of impossible rules with the promise of pie in the sky. That is what I suspect drove off many former child church goers and prevents others from giving it a try. But I know there are many who have stayed interested in their faith, and still value it. I suppose I can only speak for myself, and this is true for me. But my beliefs have stayed important to me because I have come to understand the meaning of grace. When I was a child growing up in church, I heard the word “grace” a lot. But I did not truly understand grace, or at least not nearly as well as the expectation for perfection. Because when I saw people step out of line, the reaction from adults, parents and other kids was usually not modeling grace – it was typically punishment, disapproval or judgment.
Now, I am not perfect (just ask my wife, friends, family, and co-workers) and I do not claim to be perfect (though Molly would say I act like I think I am). But I spent most of my childhood and teen years, growing up a non-rebellious church kid, feeling guilty for not being perfect. And that was despite the fact that I knew in my mind that perfection was not the requirement; that any perfection is only by grace. But as I have said, it took me a while to understand the meaning of grace…
Reading the Didache, I wonder why I did not hear more lines such as the one I quoted above when I was growing up. And even as I wrote that rhetorical question I know the answer…. If you can follow the teachings of the Lord, you will be perfect. If not, do what you can. This is not a very “bright line” rule, not an easy rule to raise children by. Instead, it is much easier to tell your kids to be perfect. For I suppose if you tell your children to try to be perfect, but if they cannot, to do what they can, then they may “do what they can” into all sorts of undesirable situations: “well, I know I shouldn’t __________, but I did what I could!”
But, it is not easy to try to follow Christ’s teachings, and I am not convinced it is supposed to be a simple matter of behaving yourself. I have only stayed a Christian because I have come to understand the meaning of grace. Had I not come to understand it, and still only believed Christianity to be a list of impossible rules with the promise of pie in the sky, I perhaps would have abandoned the faith of my childhood by now. But as it turned out, I have stuck with it. And though I am not perfect (just ask my wife, family, friends and co-workers), I do what I can.
